The Self-Care Cake

I do this thing where when I'm looking through my underwear drawer I try to pick the underwear I don't like quite as much, as if I'm saving the underwear I really like for a special day or something. And I'm not talking about "sexy" underwear being saved for a special day (which btw is nonsense), I'm talking about me wearing my favourite underwear for me. And I don't know when this "special day" is coming but it never seems to so I spend a lot of my time wearing underwear I'm not crazy about. It's exactly like when your mom wouldn't bring out the "fancy" dishes unless company was coming. As if your immediate family is too shit to deserve something great on the reg.

Recently I started to notice I do this a lot and in many aspects of my life. When I play video games I'll use my shit weapons and save my good ones (even though you can get all these weapons over and over again literally whenever you want). When I'm posting on my professional instagram @ericaleemartin, I have a hard time posting photos that are really great, or have historically gotten a lot of likes on other accounts, as if I'm saving them for something big. But I couldn't tell you for what!

I do this with my songs too. I have a lot of songs I'm working on right now, but I keep waiting to release what I think are the "best ones". But while they may be the best ones for me they may not be for someone else. I have no control over this! And also, what on earth am I waiting for? If they're my favourite songs then I should be working on them, feeding them and then putting them out there!

Why do I do this? Do I not think I'm worthy of the good dishes or the good underwear? Will Future Erica somehow be more deserving of these things than the Erica who gets her there? From a practical standpoint I do understand why my mom doesn't use the china all the time. But there's another part of me that just thinks, fuck it! what if you never get to use those beautiful dishes that you love? Then what was the point in having them? Same goes for my underwear. They just sit there in the drawer doing nothing when they could be on my body possibly making my mood a little lighter or perhaps making me feel more confident.

If you think of self care as a layered cake, the bottom would be things like feeding yourself a good meal, exercising and relationships. The top layer would be things like spa day, vacations or shopping sprees. I think wearing your favourite underwear falls in the middle layer of the self-care cake which is often overlooked. It's a small thing which is totally unnecessary, but it's an easy thing to achieve and may make a huge difference.

It's important and practical to save up for rainy days (or you know, for pensions), but it costs you nothing to wear your nice underwear or use the fancy china. And you know what? You probably deserve it. So treat yo'self.