Rep Trek: Boldly going... nowhere?
ed. note: This is my sarcastic face -.-
A singer lives in hope. We're constantly being encouraged and persuaded by our peers that we're ready to take on something big while at the same time discouraged from doing those things by our teachers and coaches. There is no repertoire for us. Only for our future selves. Everything I sing seems to be beyond my reach, vocally and interpretively; At least from the point of view of those who think I should sound like a professional twice my age.
But, geez, I need to sing something!
Now, this is how I feel. Again, I'm a young contralto whose time to shine is still decades ahead of her. There are sopranos and baritones out there who have a lot more "shiny" repertoire to choose from. But let's face it, in school we have a tough time finding the repertoire that both allows us to shine and serves as a challenge to us.
This year I sang Mme. de Croissy in Poulenc's opera Les Dialogues des Carmélites. Am I ready to sing that professionally? Um no. I'm ready to sing it at university level, and I sang the shit out of it. I don't see a difference between my singing Dialogues right now and singing, let's say, Mahler. I'm not a professional. I'm not trying to act like one. I'm trying to learn. And singing repertoire that feels comfortable is the best thing we can do for ourselves. The Poulenc felt comfortable.
Most recently I sang Mahler's Kindertotenlieder for my Masters' recital. Do I think I did a good job? Overall, yes. Did my peers love it? Yes. But there were some coaches and Mahler enthusiasts in the room who did not approve. Now, this is not a professional gig. I wasn't singing with orchestra. I was singing with piano at my school. It was an exercise--an exam (for real, I got graded!). I need to learn. And it was COMFORTABLE.
Any piece I sing now is going to evolve with my voice as I get older. The way I see it, working on Mahler now allows me to be uber equipped to sing it when I'm older. I'll have already gone through the emotional motions so I don't weep on stage at the end of Kindertotenlieder. (Showing emotion... How embarrassing! -.-) By the time I had to perform Dialogues I didn't cry on stage like I did in rehearsals trying not to think about the two grandmothers I'd watched succumb to illness the year before. I went to bed every night going through my scenes in my head, imagining that I was lying in my death bed. It was depressing as hell. But I kept working every day so that on stage I could be composed while contemplating my imminent demise. Apparently I'm not advanced enough in my craft to control myself when contemplating the death of my children. Shocker! -.-
Look peeps, it's just like the theatre world. In school you play Juliet or Ophelia but your first role at the Stratford festival? it'll probably be Mustardseed. 5 years later you'll hopefully be back at Juliet, a character you've now spent years contemplating and trying to understand. Will I still be afraid of death the next time I sing Dialogues? You better believe it. But I'll be prepared if someone asks me to sing it at the drop of a hat. We can't just boldly go where we haven't gone before. We need to have been there, done that, etc. etc.
On that note, I should stop blogging and start practicing!
A singer lives in hope. We're constantly being encouraged and persuaded by our peers that we're ready to take on something big while at the same time discouraged from doing those things by our teachers and coaches. There is no repertoire for us. Only for our future selves. Everything I sing seems to be beyond my reach, vocally and interpretively; At least from the point of view of those who think I should sound like a professional twice my age.
But, geez, I need to sing something!
Now, this is how I feel. Again, I'm a young contralto whose time to shine is still decades ahead of her. There are sopranos and baritones out there who have a lot more "shiny" repertoire to choose from. But let's face it, in school we have a tough time finding the repertoire that both allows us to shine and serves as a challenge to us.
This year I sang Mme. de Croissy in Poulenc's opera Les Dialogues des Carmélites. Am I ready to sing that professionally? Um no. I'm ready to sing it at university level, and I sang the shit out of it. I don't see a difference between my singing Dialogues right now and singing, let's say, Mahler. I'm not a professional. I'm not trying to act like one. I'm trying to learn. And singing repertoire that feels comfortable is the best thing we can do for ourselves. The Poulenc felt comfortable.
Most recently I sang Mahler's Kindertotenlieder for my Masters' recital. Do I think I did a good job? Overall, yes. Did my peers love it? Yes. But there were some coaches and Mahler enthusiasts in the room who did not approve. Now, this is not a professional gig. I wasn't singing with orchestra. I was singing with piano at my school. It was an exercise--an exam (for real, I got graded!). I need to learn. And it was COMFORTABLE.
Any piece I sing now is going to evolve with my voice as I get older. The way I see it, working on Mahler now allows me to be uber equipped to sing it when I'm older. I'll have already gone through the emotional motions so I don't weep on stage at the end of Kindertotenlieder. (Showing emotion... How embarrassing! -.-) By the time I had to perform Dialogues I didn't cry on stage like I did in rehearsals trying not to think about the two grandmothers I'd watched succumb to illness the year before. I went to bed every night going through my scenes in my head, imagining that I was lying in my death bed. It was depressing as hell. But I kept working every day so that on stage I could be composed while contemplating my imminent demise. Apparently I'm not advanced enough in my craft to control myself when contemplating the death of my children. Shocker! -.-
Look peeps, it's just like the theatre world. In school you play Juliet or Ophelia but your first role at the Stratford festival? it'll probably be Mustardseed. 5 years later you'll hopefully be back at Juliet, a character you've now spent years contemplating and trying to understand. Will I still be afraid of death the next time I sing Dialogues? You better believe it. But I'll be prepared if someone asks me to sing it at the drop of a hat. We can't just boldly go where we haven't gone before. We need to have been there, done that, etc. etc.
On that note, I should stop blogging and start practicing!
Yeah!
ReplyDeleteNice post and as we discussed previously (which you've neglected to mention here)my main issue was that you could have been way better coached in the Mahler. Of course it was a master's recital and not a professional concert, no one should have expected more than a student (very good student)performance. Had you been better apprised of the aesthetic espoused here:|
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqrhpIU0WRI
you'd have made greater efforts in that direction since you "get" stuff and are able to transmit it. No one has an issue with showing emotion as far as I know but, in the clip, Thomas Hampson is talking about excess and melodrama as applied to music and poetry that stand on their own. I tend to agree with him.
Okay, you are now even more highly-elevated in my mind than ever before. Having witnessed that emotionally charged and varied Masters Recital myself, you are well on your way to friggin' nailing all of that shit in your professional career. Know what I say? Lookout for Ms. Erica Lee Martin, world!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lars! I have always cherished dearly your good opinion :D Bob, I'm sure one day I will get to work on this stuff with the German masters. But, like I've said before, I'm working with what I have. I'm working with some of the greatest coaches of French music, not Mahler specialists. Also, I'm pretty sure that there was no melodrama in my performance. Melodrama implies that my emotional reactions were phoney, which they were not. Anything I expressed on stage was organic and happened because, as you say, I "get" stuff. I suppose you don't agree (I don't care!) Anyway, everything your hero Thomas Hampson says I've actually heard before. But I'm not a singing robot.
ReplyDelete