Just keep driving

For me, singing often feels like a waiting game. The road is so long that highway hypnosis soon takes its hold or else while faithfully holding onto the wheel I get drowsy. I start hearing voices in the dark edge of my mind telling me to stop; turn around; find another path. But I can't turn back; Life is all about what's in front of you. If I really do want to exit then I can but if I want to reach my destination I need to turn up the music, down a good coffee and keep on driving.

This summer has not been as productive as I had hoped it would be. The one remarkable week I enjoyed in Caraquet doing the vocal program Musique sur Mer was bookended by many tedious days spent working at the café; a job which, while easy, is degrading to someone who has her masters degree. It's hard to keep motivated when you're in that situation--to see the light at the end of what seems to be the longest fucking tunnel ever. 

Must… keep… driving…

Am I just supposed to sit here until my dream job falls on my lap? We all know it won't because in this business, most of the time, you have to work for your dream job. You have to audition like a crazy person until someone notices you. And for that matter, what is my dream job? Is it that that I'm aiming for or will I settle for any paying gig at this point? It's unfair that I will grab at straws as a musician while every other person I went to high school with has a good job and probably a family by now while I'm stuck on the long road to "glory".

Clearly I've misplaced my recipe for lemonade.

After spending a few weeks feeling sorry for myself and thoroughly hating my predicament, I've roughly sketched out a course of action: I'm going to work more. I need to practice three hours a day and I need to be translating, listening, and doing character work the rest of the time. And at the end of the week, I get a day off (very important!). The only way to pull myself out of this hell-hole is to work so hard and get so good that come audition time, someone will HAVE to hire me! 

I'm also developing a hobby (which is really just part of my job): I'm going to work on my acting. I've recently started to read and study Shakespeare with the help of my theatre-trained actor brother, Travis.  I find that I attack Shakespeare with the same tools as I do operas. He wrote such intricate, poetic phrases as could only be compared to music.  (Keep a look out to posts about these pursuits)

We don't change the future, we create it. We're creating it right now with every decision that we make. If I decide to sit around feeling sorry for myself then a) I'm learning nothing b) I'm further depressing myself c) I'M WASTING TIME. The road is long; it's up to me to make it worthwhile.

So, let's turn up the music. Something upbeat, methinks?