How the Hell am I 35 Already?

I say that, but of course I am. I've done a lot of stuff in my life and all that stuff takes time. I used to think that I hadn't done anything with my life because I'm not rich or famous. This is the problem with an idolatry culture. It morphs into a monarchy, a dictatorship, capitalism. If you have money or fame then you're important. If you don't, then you aren't.

But never mind that. The other day I had an epiphany of sorts. I was working on my Bandcamp profile and there was a dropdown menu of my songs. That dropdown menu was LONG! Like, I don't know what I envisioned in the millisecond it took for me to process that there was a dropdown menu of my songs, but this was definitely longer. And then I thought...it took me 2 years to complete all these songs. Just 2 years, that's it. And then I started listing in my head all the other things I'd done over the last 5 years, the last 10. And they added up to a lot. Apparently I am successful, if you look at it this way.

I realise this sounds like a flex, but for someone who has operated from a constant state of mortality-related anxiety, this was a huge step for me. And I'm telling you, if you tally up the projects you've worked on, even if you just consider them "part of your job", you may feel the same way. If you're already the kind of person who is proud of yourself and your achievements then congratulations you weirdo!

I don't exactly know why I'm writing this but I suppose I wanted to get my thoughts on the page. I'm going to be 35 tomorrow so I'm tallying up what I've done and also outlining what I'd like to achieve for the next year. Since my birthday is so close to New Year, I sort of can't help but do this every January. But this year is a bit different. Yes there's a lockdown and we're in a pandemic so of course this year is horrifyingly different. But I just mean, for me in terms of my own goals. 

Here's what I did: I looked at what I accomplished this year and last. I loosely remembered how much time everything took, how much outsourcing I did, how much down time was needed. Given all that data, I'm now able to gauge what I can accomplish given another year. So I made a list of all the things I'd like to do--all the projects I'd like to start and those I'd like to finish. I'm in the happy position, at 35, of knowing myself better than I ever did so I can actually give myself achievable goals. It's pretty rad.

I also realised I'd like to stop always using the term goals because it implies that if I don't reach them that I'm somehow a failure. But you can't score a goal unless you run towards it. The running is sort of key. 

I also want to write in this blog more (which is why I'm tweaking the layout, you may have noticed!). I've been starting to make YouTube videos about my creative process which I thoroughly enjoy but I think that writing in this blog will go a long way to helping me sort out the YouTube content I'd like to produce. And, as someone whose brain is constantly going and going, this kind of writing helps me get my thoughts in order. 

All that to say, look out for some more content from me this year. Subscribe to my YouTube channel if you're interested in my videos and check out my website for all my music-related stuff. I'm gonna try and keep the blog nerdy and singy which... is a wide net. Happy New Year chaps xo