Commitment
Commitment.
What does that mean to you? Because to me commitment was always what fanatics did to causes or what guys didn't want to do in relationships. For a long time I thought if I kept singing opera I would eventually get given something in return; money, a good job, a tour, celebrity.... When that didn't happen, I realised that I needed to work hard--commit completely--to that path or try something else. I didn't want to commit to opera, I had too many other things I wanted to do. So I tried something else.
When I say I "tried' something, I really mean that. I dipped my toes in. I did a year of training at a top drama school in London, after which I was ready to throw myself into acting. But I didn't. I was too scattered, I had too many other things I wanted to do as well. And I desperately needed money so my time was most spent making what little of that I could. I in no way "committed" to acting.
I think that acting is a bit like opera for me, it requires a lot of oneself and I'm not sure I was willing to give my all. I don't know if this is because I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time, or if I give up too easily or if I'm really meant to be doing something else. My brother says I should probably commit to one cause or one project at a time rather than trying to be or do too many things at once. Meanwhile, Maria, my partner in crime/business, reminds me that art forms influence each other and it's good to have your fingers in a lot of pies.
I've decided a couple of things these last few weeks.
What does that mean to you? Because to me commitment was always what fanatics did to causes or what guys didn't want to do in relationships. For a long time I thought if I kept singing opera I would eventually get given something in return; money, a good job, a tour, celebrity.... When that didn't happen, I realised that I needed to work hard--commit completely--to that path or try something else. I didn't want to commit to opera, I had too many other things I wanted to do. So I tried something else.
When I say I "tried' something, I really mean that. I dipped my toes in. I did a year of training at a top drama school in London, after which I was ready to throw myself into acting. But I didn't. I was too scattered, I had too many other things I wanted to do as well. And I desperately needed money so my time was most spent making what little of that I could. I in no way "committed" to acting.
I think that acting is a bit like opera for me, it requires a lot of oneself and I'm not sure I was willing to give my all. I don't know if this is because I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time, or if I give up too easily or if I'm really meant to be doing something else. My brother says I should probably commit to one cause or one project at a time rather than trying to be or do too many things at once. Meanwhile, Maria, my partner in crime/business, reminds me that art forms influence each other and it's good to have your fingers in a lot of pies.
I've decided a couple of things these last few weeks.
- I cannot actually work a full-time job and do my artistic work at the same time
- I need to commit to something
Working on the album has been an amazing journey. It has forced me to organise my time, work on my chord progressions, experiment with instrumentation; It's allowed me to work on marketing and design which I have a great interest in; It's also inspired me to make music videos, something I've never done but thoroughly enjoy. It's proving to me that, as Maria says (and Travis would concur!) that one art form inspires another and exposing yourself to as much art as possible only enriches the quality of your work.
And of course, writing the songs has allowed me time to reflect and explore my memories and experiences. This alone has been invaluable to me.
I would like to commit to music. I would like to treat it like a career I already have, rather than one I'm working towards. In the same way that when Maria stopped sheepishly introducing herself to people as an actress and instead proudly said, "Yes, I'm an actress and I'm studying classical acting", she not only felt better about herself, but received a positive response in return. I'm constantly behaving as if being a musician or an actor or an artist is something that may or may not happen in the future. It's already happening. I'm doing these things now. And if I commit, I just may one day be able to do them full time.
I'm a musician, I'm an actor, I'm an artist... all things that are worth saying- because you are those things and much more besides.
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