Pressure of Perfection

This week I learned something very valuable in acting class: I don't have to be perfect. That might sound obvious, but not to an opera singer who specialises in French repertoire where there mustn't be a thing out of place. Through my opera training I began to expect that my teachers wanted perfection from me, even though they showed no outward sign of desiring that. It was a perception based on both my experiences with a few teachers, and also my now-elevated expectations of myself. 

All this made it so I unwittingly came into acting school with the bar set pretty high for myself. I assumed that the teachers and directors wanted perfection because of my past experiences (and illusions). My two lovely roommates were surprised that that's what I was seeking because to them, rehearsals are a place of exploration for everyone involved. The scene or play gets better if everyone is willing to try new things, be open, and obviously, have done the appropriate research in preparation. In opera, every note, rhythm, word, crescendo etc. must be done right and have been worked on to pieces before you get into the rehearsal space. That's not so in theatre. You can't learn it all on your own without having interacted with the other players and learned from the director first. This idea was actually a shock to my system. Have I got so caught up in my idea of perfection that I've forgotten the process of getting there? 

I told my roommate that through this search for perfection I've started to hate sponteneity. And yet I love my improv class. The reason is because in improv it doesn't matter what happens. You literally have nothing to prepare before the scene begins so perfection is impossible. All you do is say "yes. And!" But, through saying "yes" and "and" you have the potential to create something that the audience finds perfect. And even if they don't, the next scene will come along in a few minutes and be completely different. 

Anthony Hopkins said "Expect nothing and accept everything". I think this is a great motto for life and certainly great for performers who generally create really high expectations for themselves. It's easy for me to write about this of course, but I intend to put it in practice every time I enter a rehearsal space; indeed, the day after I had this chat with my roomies I entered the rehearsal space with such a positive attitude. Nothing could go wrong because anything could happen. I was liberated. And I was happy. 

Side note: I haven't practiced steadily since I got to London. But I got home today and sang Ach Ich fühls (a Mozart soprano aria) pretty nicely and in the right key. Without the pressure of perfection, I'm capable of so much more than I expect.