January Blues

Januaries are hard. But January 2021 is so much harder. Thanks to our incompetent and compassionless government, people are dying at an insane rate in the UK and the NHS are up to their eyeballs with not a day off in sight. All I have to do is stay in so my life is comparatively very easy. But looking at the state of the world you can't help but be depressed, anxious and uncertain. And we're all expected to keep busy. 

A little while ago I made a little video exploring what I do to help me be productive during lockdown which was a fun project for me as well as a means to keep myself actually productive (win-win!). This week though, I'm feeling particularly low and I find myself letting go of some of my productive tips. Is this healthy? Probably not. But when you're depressed, and, like I mention in my video, we all are right now, it's ok to give yourself leeway. As an anxious neurodivergent person, this was a hard-learned lesson. Giving yourself room is tricky.

However, I'm learning that things that are good for you aren't necessarily obvious right now. Unwinding with your favourite video game is great! But playing it for 6 hours straight, maybe isn't. Sitting at your computer screen all day isn't amazing for you, but working on projects is important right now--it focuses your attention and gives you purpose. I suppose it really comes down to balance, and that's what I talk about in my video. For example, the idea of sprinkling what we call "chores" into even our laziest days has honestly been a life changer for me. Getting outside too, especially when it's sunny, instantly changes my perspective. 

There I go again preaching like I've got it all figured out. I super don't. But the point of life isn't to have everything all figured out, it's about the figuring. I guess, I dunno.

I'm noticing that the things that worked for me in the fall don't work as well now. It's cold and so dark in the mornings so I almost never go on my morning run first thing. But I know it's because it's the winter. It's hibernation time! And I'm in the position now to actually take advantage of that. So I'm going to. When the sun comes out just before spring, I'll be back outside--I know I will. So if this month I need to do yoga and take walks in the afternoon (or not lol) that's fine. 

It's been nice to have the time to reflect. I feel like I know myself better now than I ever have before. Part of that might be the realisation that I am neurodivergent (diagnosis pending but come on, who are we kidding), but part of it is just analysis of my past behaviours and reactions. My behaviour is predictable so I can act from a place of knowledge. Now, when I remind myself to practice, it's not because I "should", it's because I know that I'll feel better once I'm doing it and afterwards. 

I remember the last couple of times that I was stressed out of my mind from too many commitments. Feeling like I was running on empty and that everything needed my immediate and undivided attention. I also remember the things I did to help me get through that period so I think I'll make that the next YouTube video I do. Because the other side of the productivity coin is a scary one, especially right now. We need all the help we can get.